Posts Tagged ‘About us’
The Aftermath of Suicide – 1 Year Later
Do you know where you were one year ago today? Do you remember every detail as if time had stopped and stood still? Do you still think about March 8th, 2011 every day since? I do.
March 8th is forever etched in my mind like an epitaph on granite. We had just returned from Barbados, where our family we were with had been in an accident. It was not the relaxing vacation we had hoped it would be as parents of a newborn Poppet. Don’t get me wrong, it was still wonderful, just not a vacation, especially for my Mum and Uncle. We returned home on the 21st of February….exhausted.
Run down, and still in new parent mode, it was no great surprise when I came down with a doozy of a cold. Poppet never did take “real” naps (this continued until she started crawling at 11 months old – now she is a marathon napper!). It was a cold-er day, mid afternoon, when the phone rang. It was my Mum. ”Neil killed himself,” she said.
Put Poppet down on the bed. Go to the nursery. Shut the door so as to not hear Poppet’s crying. Pause. She’s really upset. Pause. Stay calm. Talk slowly.
“Can you get over to Shawna’s?” Now realizing the week that was going to lay ahead for us, I suggested I better not go and infect my sister as she had just lost her husband, and instead my hubby would head right over. That decision tore me up. Within an hour my Husband had picked Poppet and me up and we were driving to my sister’s.
Back up.
As soon as I got off the phone with my Mum I called my minister’s wife. I really wanted to call my best friend, but I had NO idea how to articulate what I had just heard – it takes me a day to be able to let her know.
I blurt out that my brother-in-law killed himself to the minister’s wife and say “I just need someone to keep me talking, and I didn’t know who to call”. She does a great job keeping me occupied. I can still hear Poppet crying profusely, but can’t deal with picking her up right now. I just want to sleep from this cold. I feel a mixture of relief and anxiety.
My brother-in-law had dealt with mental illness for a number of years. I can’t say this wasn’t a call I was expecting to get at some point in my life. I think that is why the feeling of relief. Here it was, it had happened, now let’s deal with the present.
The thing is, suicide is not that easy to brush off and come to terms with. For months, until the coroner’s report confirmed it, we had thought he had just died in his sleep (according to the police, after the initial investigation). 3 months ago the wound was opened all over again by the knowledge that he had in fact decided to end his life. When you know someone is in effect “broken” in a way – that they cannot, through no fault of their own, think rationally 100% of the time – then you are happy they are no longer living in anguish, even though you miss them. However, being a person who CAN think logically (for the most part), it is VERY difficult to come to understand, and ultimately accept and be okay with the fact that they have taken their life and left a wake of chaos behind.
Suicide now defines my brother-in-law. I wish it didn’t. Perhaps in the future it won’t. But today it does. It overshadows the beauty that was a part of his HUGE heart, the gentleness that was as big as his size, and the humour that was as large as his illness.
The day after he died, my niece turned 2. My sister is picking up the pieces of single-parenthood and widowhood with poise and honour. My niece lights up around any men that dare to venture into her woman dominated life. Tomorrow my niece turns 3. I see how much she has grown and changed in the past year and wonder….when will I catch up?
Warmest regards,
My sister started a blog in November 2011 to chronicle her journey. Please visit and follow her at Good Grief Guru. She is on a journey to lay bare stigmas, especially those surrounding death and mental illness.
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Welcome to Mummy Monday! – Where I’m Coming From…
First day of the new blog feature Mummy Mondays! And the opportunity to write about anything my little heart desires is exhilarating. What to choose? I think of all the possibilities, and am left with……a blank! So I head into my Post ideas folder and pull out the most interesting. Hmmmmm…..nothing. How anti-climactic! Perhaps I’ll just tell you a little more about me!
I was born in Toronto in the 70′s. Smack dab in the middle of them. I have always felt like I missed my prime decade by about 30 years or so. Always wanted to be the quintessential housewife, dressed up on a daily basis in a beautiful smock, hair perfect, truly feminine. I have been surrounded by the woman’s movement my entire life, but am happiest having my husband provide for our family and being as much of a support as I can to him.
To say I am a kept woman, silent in demeanor and opinion would be a lie. But I love having a man who wants to protect me, guide me, help me be a better person. I think that’s why I love the Art of Manliness blog so much. I wish the founders would come out with the flip side on the Art of Femininity, but I wonder how it would be received.
I have worked many jobs in my life, usually climbing to managerial positions. I love being in sales, and my most challenging job was supervising a team of 42 national in field merchandising salespeople for a major software producer. (competitor to Microsoft). I believe being truly feminine does not mean you are not a capable woman, but as one person I know put it, we can wear the pants (to use a vintage term), but choose not to. This is in essence where I am happiest in life.
I know not everyone subscribes to this way of thinking, and I am not trying to convince anyone that this is for them. I just want to share where I am in life and who I am so you can understand me better as you read our blog! Would love to hear what makes you happiest as a Mom/Wife, Husband/Father or single in your life! Comments are always open!
Warmest regards,
If you enjoy our posts, please consider taking a moment to follow us! Pardon My Poppet is on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest. Or you can grab our RSS Feed or Subscribe via E-mail!
Silent Saturday
My brother-in-law died: Good Grief Guru
In March, the day before my niece turned 2 years old, my brother-in-law died. Unexpectedly, in his sleep. He didn’t wake up. I always knew my sister was a strong woman, but this just proved it all the more. I’ve seen her shoulder much in the past few months, all with poise, dignity, and grace. Setting a wonderful example for her beautiful daughter.
Yesterday, 9 months since his death, she started a blog. You can find it at http://www.GoodGriefGuru.com The first post is powerful, thought-provoking and intense. I don’t think it is just because we have lived through this with her, but because she is an honest and candid woman, willing to bare her soul when it will help her heal, and especially when it will help others heal who are going through similar experiences.
I hope you will take the time to read at least that first post. I hope you will want to continue on this journey with her and our family. You can follow her on twitter, you can like her on Facebook, you can grab her button, you can leave a comment or you can just pass it on to another who is struggling and you can’t find the words to convey how much you wish you knew how they felt.
Warmest regards,
If you enjoy our posts, please consider taking a moment to follow us! Pardon My Poppet is on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest. Or you can grab our RSS Feed or Subscribe via E-mail!
