In our home we have taken a somewhat unique approach to having our daughter choose to obey. Â Trust me, this does not mean we do not tell Poppet “no”. Rather it is our attempt to change her “no’s” into something a whole lot more positive. We give her alternatives and have her repeat them after us. “Yes”, “Good Girl”, “Sorry”, “Please” – all are part of her regular day-to-day vocabulary.
They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. With a toddler I’m pretty sure it is likely a lot shorter of a period. Habits, good or bad, seem to be picked up by Poppet with ease, and so we try to use this window of opportunity to form her character and personality toward the positive and giving way of life. Â She is the happier for it, and we are the less stressed for it!
So how does it work? Â Well, Poppet may be running around the house saying, “No, no, no, no, no, no…..” Â I will turn to her and say “Poppet?” Â and when she looks at me I say, “Say, Yes”. Â That’s all there is to it! Â She will then go around the house saying, “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes….”
When she sits in time out we will have her say, “Sorry” when she comes out of it to whomever she has caused trouble for. Â She says please and thank you with ease. Â People have been amazed at her vocabulary. Â She uttered her first word at 4 months, and hasn’t stopped since! Â So it’s actually pretty easy to “guide” her into a positive take on life at this point.
What do you do with your kids when you need to adjust their steps and attitude? Â What have you found works, and what truly doesn’t?
Warmest regards,
{j}
Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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Whenever I find myself too tired to be stern with my daughter, I just turn things around and make jokes, and then she laughs. And then, I ask her to please obey Mommy. She willingly obliges. Oh, it’s never easy! On most day, I’m at my wit’s end, trying to figure out how to make her do as I say. I’ve come to realize that when I’m cross with her, she retaliates. The good cop approach seems to work best with her.
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My Samantha just turned one. She says just a few word, only when she wants to, but she is signing more and more. I try to listen to her, repeat back what I think she is saying/signing, and then either help her with it (more food), or explain why we are not and what we are doing (You are all done with the car? We are going to the farmers market and haven’t gotten there yet. Don’t you love the farmer’s market?). I also try to limit the amount I have to say no by removing situations where she can do something she should not. Finally, I reward her with praise and kisses when she is helpful (putting her laundry in the laundry basket, taking the mail to daddy, helping me by getting the groceries out of the bag, putting her toys away). She doesn’t say please and thank you yet – as she mostly says “momomomomoâ€, “dadadadadadaâ€, and “al do†(all done), but she hears it allot, and as she speaks more, I will encourage her to use them. I love how you turn “no†into “yesâ€.
My 3 year old responds best to a simple conversation about what she is doing that is not appropriate but with choices and a talk about what she CAN do, she usually is fine about everything.
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That’s cute. 21 days? Really? I believe that I guess until you say something you don’t want them to repeat. That catches on immediately. I do remember using, “Not nice. Peas, and sare” quite a bit. (please and share)
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I try a mixture of understanding and respecting their feelings, and old fashioned sternness! It works well for me. Kids need boundaries, to help make them feel secure.
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I have always encourage positive thinking and behavior with my boys. Taught manners and proper behavior from a young age with loving guidance. Good tips to keep the positive energy flowing
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I don’t have children but I’ve found at school positive reinforcement works. I praise things they do well and ignore bad behavior. Kids generally want my attention and see that I give attention for good behaviors.
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As far as politeness, in the beginning we used to explain what please was and thank you. Now he says it often. He added “bless you” and “your welcome” on his own. But he seems to assimilate what we do and our actions more then anything. I am unsure how my youngest will be, each child is so different. ;) We will teach him, and go with what seems to be working. Parenting is always so interesting. :)
I have to say, hearing a young child say “please” “thank you” and all that is SO adorable! Isn’t it!? :)
It sure is!