Despite the fact that the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breast-feeding for at least 2 years, in North America we tend to average 6 months total. Â Now that Poppet is 18 months old, we have entered what is known as “extended” breast-feeding, or as many other Mums know, the “when are you going to stop breastfeeding that kid?!?!” look from strangers.
On a recent trip Poppet was exhausted. Â I had to run into Walmart while Hubby went to pick up some groceries for our hotel room. Â I was desperate to soothe her and the best way is nursing. Â I headed to the washroom (which I hate nursing in, because how many of us eat our meals in close proximity to toilets?), but I also don’t want to make other uncomfortable by nursing a toddler in public unless it is a necessity (also don’t feel like exposing myself if public as said toddler is squirmy and not fond of being under a nursing cover any more).
I pulled down the change table, set her upon it and Poppet happily nursed away. Â Then it happened. Â In walked a middle age woman with her daughter and son (who had to be around 8 years old). Â She stopped dead, looked horrified, Â got her son some toilet paper, still looking horrified, waited for him to blow his nose and hurriedly left. Â I, not really wanting to show my breast to an 8-year-old boy, tried to cover up as quickly as I could, dropped a toy, and her lovely young teen-age daughter picked it up and started a little conversation with me. Â Her mother still looked on horrified. Â I wished the floor could open up and swallow me whole.
I think what bothered me so much was the fact that I had gone out of my way to make sure I was being discreet. Â I fully believe in a woman’s right to breast-feed her baby as needed, but I am sympathetic to other’s feelings. Â I was left to feel like I was doing something wrong, when in fact it was she who walked into a woman’s washroom with a growing boy. Â The look I received hurt, and I can only imagine it will be the first of many as Poppet continues to grow, but it is a price I am willing to take to provide the best start in life for my daughter.
I would love to hear your opinions on nursing (positive or otherwise) and your own experiences on nursing (from babyhood to extended). Â Comments are open as always!
Warmest regards,
{j}
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I think you were in the right. You were in the ladies’ room, for goodness sake. If I don’t want my kids to see something … I tell them not to look, KWIM?
With my boys, I breastfed them until they were 12 months old (or thereabouts…it’s been a while). My mother started asking me after about 6 months when I was going to stop nursing. My response was a very polite version of “when I’m dang good and ready!” *lol*
My daughter was born at 32 weeks and had to be tube fed for a week or so. But I got one of those hospital-grade pumps and at least she got my milk, even if it was through a bottle.
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This is a good post. I know that every woman has a different opinion on this subject, but I say whatever you feel is best for you. I nursed my kiddies until they were 12 months, but I have a friend who nursed up until 24 months, I didnt shun her, that is what was good for her and baby. Back in the day people didnt cover up at all, but nowadays its like if you dont cover up your a crazy person, or if you breast feed in public your a nut case. Woman need to feel less baggered by strangers on this subject, if someone says something to you, no need to respond, you are not breaking the law.
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Back when I nursed my kids, I did it anywhere and everywhere. I was deemed the quickest and most discreet nurser around because of the quick lift and latch technique i developed. But honestly, I just didn’t feel it necessary to excuse myself to a secret location in order to feed my child most of the time. If anyone was uncomfortable, they didn’t share it…or I may have simply not picked up on the signs. If someone else is not comfortable with a child being fed or comforted, its their own discomfort created by their own views and insecurities they have to contend with. They do not have to stare, nor do they even have to look if they are uncomfortable. They have that choice. And you are fortunate that you still have the ability and choice to continue nursing your child for as long as it works for the both of you. No apology necessary. Cheers to you! And to the woman in the bathroom, she’s seen it before and she’ll see it again. i don’t think anyone is scarred for life. :)
I think mommies are in a lose-lose situation when it comes to feeding their kids. I felt SUCH pressure to breastfeed my first baby that I felt horrible when–due to perfectly natural reasons, as explained to me by my lactation consultant–I just couldn’t produce enough to feed him (or almost any at all!). I was embarrassed to be seen in public feeding a 5-week-old formula, and I felt bound to a crushing pumping schedule that allowed me to bottle feed him a whopping 6 oz of breast milk a day. When I hear that other mommies are judged for breastfeeding, for any length of time, it’s so depressing–we really can’t win! Good for you for doing what’s right for YOUR kid and for you.
Crazed in the Kitchen recently posted..Entourage: The Preschool Years
So true! Even La Leche League says that formula saves lives! We have to do what we can, and we each have TOTALLY different circumstances!
If I had brought my 8 year old son into the ladies room and had encountered a breastfeeding woman – I would have apologized. I would not have made the woman feel shame. I think myself not to be a fan of extended breastfeeding, to be honest, but then again both my babies self-weaned easily and effortlessly when my supply began to dwindle and they began eating more solids. Who knows what I would have done if I had had the milk.
And again, while that is my personal choice, I recognize that everyone has different needs and wants and thoughts and therefore makes different decisions. I hope you have recovered and realize that the way that woman made you feel was her issue, not yours.
Thanks for the honest comment! I always thought I would never do extended breastfeeding, and yet it works great for us. But I know many who thought they’d go as long as they could and decided against it. I’ve done so much I thought I’d never do! I guess I’ve become more than a bit of an attachment parent!
Just wrote a guest post about nursing in public (though it’s not live yet). I love the way you said that you think women should be able to breastfeed anywhere but are sympathetic to others.
I personally am uncomfortable at the sight of another woman’s you know what – even if she’s breastfeeding. Covers are so easy to use… and no, am not anti breastfeeding because I did that too :)
Breastfeeding is okay if you cover up. Great post! And hope you’ve recovered from the incident.
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PS seriously my battery toy is a pink drill in honour of Mother’s Day Breast Cancer fund raising.
That is awesome , love the picture too.
I hated the disapproving looks even at 18 months , I was very discreet most of time and didn’t dare twin feed outside of home
I heard it is now called sustained breastfeeding – whatever I did BF my twins till 4yrs 3 months and 10 days old.
This is a very interesting article though – http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/09/breastfeeding-older-children
I chose to stop in the end.
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I miss breastfeeding. My youngest continued until nearly 2.5, and I wish I hadn’t given in to pressure to wean her, because even now, nearly a year later, she occasionally expresses interest. She even tried to latch on a few weeks ago. Makes me wonder how long she would have gone on if I hadn’t pushed the matter.
My family was mostly supportive, but around two years we were really getting the “when are you going to wean?” thing. My sisters all breastfed their kids to a year or less, so they were rather surprised at how long my youngest went, especially since my two oldest self weaned at 18 months. My inlaws were pretty much shocked by the whole process in general, but got adequately used to it eventually.
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I have nursed my boys anywhere and everywhere, never used a cover-up, though for my own comfort level I made sure not to have any skin showing – and the only place I got looks and comments was when I once used the couch provided in the ladies washroom in Sears dept store.
One woman actually grabbed her daughter’s head and forcibly turned it away from me and made a rude comment about me sitting there, nursing my son.
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Good for your for still nursing despite the dirty looks! My daughter will be two and a half years old next month and we are still nursing. I’m actually almost 9 weeks pregnant now and we’ve entered the “OMG, when are you going to cut her off, you’re not going to nurse BOTH of them are you, Gasp!” phase. Breastfeeding is definitely not the norm where we live (as opposed to where we used to live) so it’s been an adjustment, especially as she’s gotten older. My daughter also looks older than she is which just adds to the stares. I hope it’s not tacky to leave a link but this is a post I wrote last December about an experience breastfeeding in public. We rarely nurse in public anymore but sometimes it can’t be avoided. This was the only time in 2+ years of nursing that anyone has actually approached me and said something…http://simplysahm.blogspot.com/2011/12/breastfeeding-in-public.html Hang in there!
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Keep going as long as you can!! I went as long as my children wanted to nurse, wouldn’t trade that time for anything. They didn’t have any nursing sheilds back then, and can’t say I like them, all they seem to do is cut mommy off from interacting with her child, and show the world that your nursing. A receiving blanket covers just as well and you’re little one can still see your face. Horrified should be horrified by the fact she brought a boy that age into the womans washroom, my thought what was she thinking. Must say I think I missed the me and my little one time, more than they did when we did stop.
Great seeing you here! S just came this morning and brought the wonderful gifts for F! THANK YOU!!!! Do you make the towels to sell? If not, was wondering if you’d like to do a guest post tutorial on them? It is GORGEOUS!!!! I must admit, I’m quite jealous and want one for myself!
I love the graphic! And an 8-year old boy has no business being in a ladies washroom.
I nursed my first till he self weaned around 15.5 months and my second to past 2. I lived in LA at the time and I was never big on nursing covers because my kids wouldn’t tolerate them (WAY more flashing trying to use one than without one). I also refused to nurse in the bathroom, I can’t stand public bathrooms just to pee in, let alone feed my child. When I first was getting the hang of it and I needed a place where I was comfortable to nurse, it was usually the car. I could shut myself off from the world, it was quiet, peaceful and I had plenty of space. When I got to be more of a pro, I just nursed where I needed to-the park, farmer’s mkts, airplane, lots of restaurants, the mall, playgrounds, etc. My second son was quite big, but I never got disapproving looks. Actually the only time I got a disapproving look in almost 4 years of nursing my 2 babes was when my second was a small baby and I was with him and my toddler at the zoo. I sat on a bench and was nursing my baby, nothing was showing (I’m an old hand at discreet nursing without a cover, but if you stare at me, yes you will see that my baby is nursing, regardless of lack of breast being revealed. A woman walking by stared at me in disgust (really, the zoo of all places, I’ve watched mama gorillas at the same zoo, nursing their toddlers) that I dared nurse my baby while sitting right there on a bench. I just smiled back and continued feeding my baby. I’ve nursed at many people’s homes in front of teenaged boys (who really and truly could have cared less, we chatted about skateboarding and music while I fed my baby). I think if we feel guilty and embarrassed about the perfectly normal and awesome thing we are doing, it translates to other people. I don’t feel that breasts are bad, I’d far rather have my kids see nudity on television than violence. It’s just a body. I don’t go around topless, or sit there with my breast hanging out, I fed my baby to *my* comfort level, I wore two shirts, one shirt covered my belly (for my comfort level) and the other shirt would be pulled down to cover the top of my breast. I think nursing should be seen in public and kids should see nursing. It helps re-naturalize it here in the US where we have some seriously weird views when it comes to raising our babies. I think the mama should nurse when and where and however they are most comfortable and that’s it.
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